Mine

Waves of pain push through my chest, 

tears stain, and warm my cheeks.

Holding every breath, 

Clenched jaw.

Breath normal? 

I get dizzy, mouth dry.

Stomach aches.

Lick my lips, sip another drink.

Whatever it takes, fall asleep.

I'll quit the moment you're gone.

The moment you stop talking...

about a future we no longer have...

about how upside down our kids lives are...

The moment I acknowledge my instinct...

that love blinded...

The moment I stop hating you...

for breaking our hearts....

because you never knew yours.

Because I never knew mine...

The moment I realize there is no hate.

Just a lot of hurt.

Spread around.

Right now we're swimming in it.

Understanding betrayal is one thing,

Living in it is another.

I can only hope you'll stop betraying yourself.

For her sake...

For his.

For you...

Don't worry about me.

I'm still here...

Just different.

Not yours...

Mine.