He lives in a cream and yellow striped mobile home off of Sunderland, near the correctional facility on line 70 in Portland Oregon.
He has five cats that he treats like queens, I could tell he didn't often speak about the loneliness he'd feel without them.
I asked for their names, "Crazy legs, Baby mama, Shanty, Bruiser, and Princess." He smiled.
Normally I have about thirty minutes to hang out at Milwaukie Transit Center, plenty of time to grab a snack and use the restroom. Today I met up with a road supervisor and a passenger to discuss healthy boundaries, for example waiting in the same spot every week to take my photo, with or without my permission.
When all was said and done I'd have fourteen minutes to make it happen. Instinctively I located the closest restroom nearby that didn't require a key, because let's face it, I don't where the hell mine went.
ABC Chinese food, my trusty fall back from my first preference had failed me by closing an hour early. Looks like I'll be buying some spring rolls. This especially irritated me because I had twenty bucks until payday and I didn't want to spend five on take out, but I couldn't justify using their restroom without compensation.
When I arrived at Sunderland Clayd was sprawled out under a bus shelter in a Carhart Jacket and pants, I knew he was displaced by the look in his eyes as I pulled up smiling. A displaced heart lives for eye contact, a reminder that they're not invisible and there is a connection to the conventional world. A sense of belonging previously denied to them. Home.
The last I chanced the opportunity to learn someone's story, we shared a couple spring rolls. It was amazing and filled my heart with a feeling I can't describe with accuracy. The realization that we'd experienced a rare connection, warms my soul.
We discussed alternative options for upward mobility, the power of perception, and capitalism. In a new age sense, we totally vibed.
I'd dropped him off with the impression he was off to stay with a friend for the night.
My last trip out I picked him up in the middle of Columbia River Highway, he flagged me down and looked like he'd been walking for a while based off of how wet his jacket was. He asked me to grab a drink with him, his tone changed. I politely declined but I felt a completely different energy off of him and it honestly made me sad. I stepped back and listened to his statements. He was rambling on about finding another part that might fix his trailer, that maybe this one would work. As if he had found his wings. Initially I'd asked him what kept him from ditching the trailer and embracing a free lifestyle full of untraveled paths, he explained that he had cats to take care of.
Clayd helped me identify the one thing we've all been guilty of in this life experience, allowing others to serve as a hindrance to our ultimate happiness and expansion. Placing our personal power in the hands of another so they could fail and we could have someone to blame for our lack of bravery.
As I dropped him off to his trailer he shook my hand and stared deep into my eyes, all I saw looking back at me was a defeated spirit. He recognized that look and shifted his face away from mine.
"Don't forget about me okay?"
If only he knew how impossible that would be.
People often use the logic of 'Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know' to hold themselves back. Clayd has built a nice kitty wall between him and the unknown devil. I am happy to see you stopped yourself mid wall building. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI love you too sister<3
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