Often times my lens (perspective) feels like the only "correct" one, this mindset limits my ability to fully understand people I love.
That has potential to do some serious damage.
There are times however, when Jupiter transits points on my chart in such a way that I can access a channel of effortless communication or understanding(through written form) so easy in fact, I sometimes feel as though the message isn't truly mine.
I stand back and observe the moment inspiration takes over, I can be in the middle of a project, or wake from a dead sleep, then suddenly I'm scribbling on a napkin, tapping away on my iPhone or flooding my blog like a crazy woman.
This is a very real trend. It wasn't until I started learning about planetary cycles that the seemingly random streaks of creative genius, became predictable. Perhaps I can harness this energy and create something useful, up until now it's all been notes/drafts.
A few weeks ago I had a biopsy done on my right breast. For the better part of three days, I revisited details of the ultrasound/mammogram.
"I don't know what it is, I can't figure you out."
"Story of my life!" I laughed.
She smiled, and then got serious.
"Well since its been there a while, chances are it's not cancerous, but I don't like that it hurts and it's not like any kind of tissue I'm used to seeing. Better get it checked out."
I wasn't a stranger to this awful feeling, I'd had it checked out a few years prior and I was fine. Since then the lump grew and started hurting.
One morning my daughter pushed up off my chest to sit up, after fighting back the urge to scream, "STOP!" I couldn't put it off any more.
I immediately went into research mode, I use two browsers on my phone because flipping through the windows is ridiculously troublesome in split screen mode, and I have bigger fish to fry than sifting through countless articles/discussion forums. This personality trait can be explained by individuals who have Mercury conjunct Saturn in their natal chart. As I began jotting down dates that would be acceptable for surgery(should it come to that I was going to avoid any times I'd be prone to death) I realized I was sealing my fate.
Quickly, I ripped my paper up and set the phone down.
I can't do this again, get all dramatic and question the duration of my life, the impact this could have on our family, no, fuck that.
And still...
For someone who preaches a lot about positive thinking, I sure wasn't ready to skip off and ignore reality. I know tomorrow's never promised, but hell...I still want it to come.
I found myself meditating more, kissing my kids, hugging my husband, and wondering how this would go.
The following day, conversations with my passengers changed. If one complained about trivial shit, I paid less attention. Why waste time encouraging the victim role mentality? I sure as shit wasn't going to assume that role while questioning how long I'd have to raise our kids.
I felt my heart beat more, every breath I took felt heavier. Meaningful.
Every time I laughed, I felt the urge to cry.
When will they call?
I was walking to my afternoon piece at Milwaukie Transit center, Bethany was on the phone.
"I just wanted you to know we got the results from your recent biopsy, everything's fine, it looks like more dense breast tissue."
"You seriously just made my whole week, oh my God thank you! I'm sorry but I have to call my husband."
I could tell in his voice he felt relieved, and it was everything I could do to stop from skipping. Until I realized I'd just dodged a bullet.
I skipped the rest of the way to my road relief.
